The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue
When it comes to writing about sex, Violet Blue is an author I look to.
She’s not afraid to speak her mind, even if it’s not popular opinion. She’s also passionate about the topics she writes. Over the years, I’ve found the things that she writes about to be accurate and truthful for me, for the most part, so I consider her a reliable resource.
This book concentrates on Cunnilingus only
That’s the reason I was first attracted to this book because it only talks about going down on a woman. It’s a pretty lengthy book, so I was definitely interested to see if she really sticks to cunnilingus only and am happy to report she did.
This book got me excited right away.
In the Forward, Violet Blue calls out other guides as considering “cunnilingus only an act of foreplay”. Since cunnilingus is for me and Hubby the main course when we’re with another lady, I was thrilled to read this. Many people don’t think of oral sex as the main course in a night of hot sex. I’m always trying to get this point across that great sex isn’t about intercourse and that sex doesn’t have to end with intercourse. There are plenty of encounters between Hubby and I that don’t end in intercourse and we’ve been together for about 24 years now. Oral sex can be the night of sex and it can be satisfying for both partners. So now that I’m finished ranting, I’m really glad that Violet feels this way and mentions it outright. My only hope was that she’d continue this thought process through the rest of the book.
What I love about “The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus”
Violet doesn’t get to any actual techniques until Chapter 7. This is not a bad thing and you if you think it is, then you need to read this book more than you know. I’ve always been a believer that great sex isn’t about the amount of techniques you have. Sure it’s fun to learn new things and try new techniques out on your lover, but when it comes down to it…having just a few things that you do extremely well because you understand how the female body works, how a woman gets aroused, the things that may concern a woman when it comes to cunnilingus, how to communicate with them during sex and outside of sex about what they like and want and how to understand what different types of sounds and body movement may mean during sex is better than all the best techniques in the world. It’s being a caring and compassionate lover that makes you give great sex and in return get some great sex too.
So what does she talk about until Chapter 7?
Violet goes beyond what I’ve read in other how to books. She spends a lot of time talking about women’s fears when receiving oral sex. She breaks them down into 4 main categories/types. It’s important to understand where these very real and sometimes deep seated fears come from because I guarantee your lady has at least one of them. Great sex is about connecting with your partner, if you understand these issues; you’ll be a more compassionate lover. Don’t worry, she just doesn’t just throw the fears at you and leave, she also clues you in on how to overcome them.
Did you know that receiving great cunnilingus isn’t just about what you’re partner is doing to you, but how you’re receiving it? Violet Blue gets into women’s heads and explains how it’s up to you, as the receiver to participate and gives you some suggestions on how to improve your receiving techniques as well.
One situation that’s brought up a lot on AllsexAdvice.com is the double standard…you go down on your partner, but your partner doesn’t go down on you. Violet gives you some ideas on how to handle this too.
Understanding female sexual anatomy and how it works is important in giving pleasure so it’s a good thing Violet covers it in detail. Contrary to popular belief, not all lady parts are the same and I’m so glad that she takes some time to describe the vast difference in the appearance of clits, lips, vulvas. I just wish she also included illustrations or photos instead of recommending another book. Although it is a great book that she recommends.
Sure everybody says that clitoral stimulation is necessary for many women and feels good, but Violet goes beyond that and explains why. You’ll learn what happens internally when a woman becomes aroused and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that she takes some time to explain why some women get really wet during sex and others don’t. This is super important to understand!
Not surprisingly she covers the g-spot and female ejaculation, but not only how to make it happen, what it is, where it comes from and even how to handle it if you want your lady to ejaculate on your face, which can be quite handy.
The all important safe sex chapter is included. I really appreciated the fact that she didn’t just write the standard information; she applied transmitting and contracting each STI in the realm of giving and receiving cunnilingus so a person can make a more educated decision on how to do this safely for themselves and their partner.
For those that want to have all their safe sex supplies ready, you’ll get detailed information on dental dams: what’s available and how to use them. Most people only think of covering genitals when they think of STIs, but your hands get very much involved in the action as well. If you have open sores, cuts, hangnails, those can be points of entry too. So she stressed the use of gloves and finger cots. What I appreciate is the one step further that she takes the information…she closes the chapter with ideas on how to eroticize safe sex and make it a fun addition.
We like our flavored treats and lubes during sex, but they can cause a lady grief. You’ll learn why and even a surprising bit that you should be careful of. This bit of info I have not seen when talking about cunnilingus.
A big question and concern we get over at AllSexAdvice is about decreased sensation after childbirth. This is an important topic and Violet takes some time to shed light on that.
So hair can be a big issue when it comes to cunnilingus…sometimes it’s a deal breaker on whether cunnilingus is a part of sex or not. Violet Blue shares a tip I’ve not seen before on how to handle your partner’s hairy vulva so you and she can be comfortable and you can still go down on her. Plus she gives detailed information on hair removal techniques. Did you know it’s not just hair on the vulva that can be a problem for cunnilingus?
Taste and smell is also an important topic and it’s not just what you eat that can cause issues. She takes this bit of information further than I’ve seen in other books. It’s good information to understand when encountering other people’s fragrances.
So your lady’s on her period…that doesn’t mean you can’t go down on her. It may be something you and your lady want to explore.
Chapter 6 is super important too because it talks about communication. Sex is so incredibly difficult for so many couples to discuss which is why this chapter is extremely valuable. She stresses the importance of not just the discussion, but planning out the discussion. Plus she goes into more detail about why your lady may or may not want you to do it or why your partner may or may not want to do it. But again, Violet goes further than that. Most books tell you to ask questions. Okay, but what should you ask? Violet tells you what the best questions are to ask to get a good response from anyone during sex whether they’re too shy or scared to speak during sex or whether or not they love to give detailed instructions. No matter what kind of sexual communicator you’re with, these questions will give you information to guide you along. She also helps you turn your communication into a game or sorts, making it a playful way to learn where and how your lover likes to be touched.
Disappointing Bit
While I appreciated the way Violet Blue applied the STD information to the act of cunnilingus only, I was a bit disappointed after reading this chapter. Hubby and I have recently done extensive research on Herpes and HPV and learned that most people have one or both and most don’t know about it. They’re both fairly easy to contract, even with protection because it’s skin to skin contact. It’s not just genital contact but any skin to skin contact in the bathing suit area that’s the hot spot. Each can be treated in various ways. Herpes cannot be cured, but if you do have it, it’s not the scary, slutty, dirty, disgusting STD that society makes it out to be. Herpes has so many strains and so many sexually active people have it, Planned Parenthood doesn’t even include it in the standard STD testing; you have to ask for it specifically. Just this slight bit of additional information that I’ve learned is really important in understanding what you can easily transmit and contract and that it’s not the end of the world if you do, especially with the stigma that Herpes has. Unfortunately, that’s not shared in the discussion of STDs in this book…and so many others. Again, I think it’s absolutely fabulous that she broke down the STDs according to how they apply to the act of cunnilingus, it really spells things out and gives the reader less to figure out. I was just disappointed that she didn’t take it a bit further. However, I also understand that bringing all that up could open a can of worms that may steer the train off the tracks and just giving out the facts as they apply to the act of cunnilingus is the thing to do.
Clever Bit
If you’re worried about taste, you’ll learn a few ways to find out how a woman tastes before diving in.
Techniques
Yep, you’ll get a variety of those; however, I’m only going to discuss things that I found interesting/handy. I love that she shares detailed information on genital massage because it really is a great way to get activity started down there before getting your face involved. You’ll learn handy tips on how to keep your lipstick perfect if you’re a lady going down on a lady. Ways to practice oral sex tips that’s not on your lover or a fake vulva.
Our lovers expect us to be mind readers, we’re not and as much as we try to communicate, understanding body language and response can be really helpful. So you’ll learn about what different types of things you’ll encounter and what they may mean.
Violet doesn’t cover positions in the traditional way; she shares positions that will work well for both giver and receiver and why they may work for the two of you. The whys are the most important to me so you can decide if it’s something worth exploring. If you’re both comfy during cunnilingus then there’s no worrying about how it’s going to take, which is a big concern for both the giver and receiver.
You’ll learn more advanced techniques that go beyond just cunnilingus…like varying temperature and sensation to pain and loss of senses. Also you can learn a good deal about rimming…techniques and how to properly clean for it.
Great Quotes
I always love to include quotes from books and movies that tickled and/or touched me in a special way. The following are the ones that did that for me.
This one’s funny and true: “Porn is a lousy place to learn how to perform oral sex on a woman; most onscreen cunnilingus looks like an exaggerated version of Fido with a mouthful of peanut butter.”
“There’s a whole lot more to oral sex than orgasm – it’s about making your lover feel good all over – body, heart & spirit.”
“Great lovers ask questions, lousy lovers don’t.”
Erotic Stories
Not just a tome of sexual facts and information, Violet Blue gives the reader an intermission from all that info with 6 erotic stories by Alison Tyler. I’m a fan of Alison’s writing so it’s no surprise that I found the stories to be really hot.
Overall Thoughts
The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue is a comprehensive resource for all things cunnilingus. She doesn’t talk about anything but cunnilingus and she doesn’t just focus on techniques. Most of the book reveals information that will make you not only a better cunnilingus giver and receiver, but a better lover overall. Being a great lover is not just about the techniques you use.
Giving great sex is about understanding how the female body works, how a woman gets aroused, the things that may concern a woman when it comes to cunnilingus, how to communicate with them during sex and outside of sex about what they like and want and how to understand what different types of sounds and body movement may mean during sex is better than all the best techniques in the world. It’s about being a caring and compassionate lover that makes you give great sex because you’re making an intimate connection and in return you’ll get some great sex too.
Violet shares all of this with you, with incredible detail and in a way that’s entertaining to read and easy to understand. While I had a minor issue with the safe sex chapter, I think this book will give a person, man or woman, a great amount of information and even if you apply a few of the things you learn from this book, you’ll find your connection and ability to give pleasure increase substantially. If you’re going down on a lady or planning on going down on a lady anytime soon, you need to have this book.
Where It's Available:
- Order The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue from Powells
